{"product_id":"goddamnit-donut-performance-headband","title":"\"Goddamnit, Donut!\" Performance Headband","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEpic Head Slot Item:\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003cem\u003e(Required Level: Just Keep Running.)\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDescription: \u003c\/strong\u003eThere comes a point in every run when motivation quietly packs its bags and leaves. The hill is steeper than it looked. Your playlist betrays you. The humidity feels personal. Your watch buzzes to announce you've drifted off pace... as if you needed the reminder. That's when the words escape.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\"Goddamnit, Donut!\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis moisture-wicking performance headband was forged for exactly that moment. Designed to keep sweat out of your eyes and sarcasm fully operational, it's the perfect companion for runners who know endurance isn't about staying comfortable—it's about finding something to laugh about when everything starts hurting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFeaturing a bold design that every true crawler will recognize, this headband lets the world know you're still moving forward... even if you're complaining the entire way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePassive Ability — Sweat Resistance: \u003c\/strong\u003eSweat is redirected away from your eyes, allowing you to maintain visual contact with the next hill you'll inevitably complain about.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePassive Ability — Dungeon Endurance: \u003c\/strong\u003eEvery time your legs suggest slowing down, this item reminds you: \u003cem\u003e\"You've survived worse.\" \u003c\/em\u003eWhether that's another long run... or another floor of the dungeon... is entirely up to interpretation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eActive Skill — Audible Frustration: \u003c\/strong\u003eOnce per run, loudly exclaim: \u003cem\u003e\"GODDAMNIT, DONUT!\" \u003c\/em\u003eEffects include: Immediate morale boost, Confused looks from everyone else, and Instant friendship with anyone who laughs.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHidden Bonus — Crawler Recognition: \u003c\/strong\u003eFellow fans who spot your headband gain +100 to Approaching Complete Strangers. Expect conversations to begin with: \u003cem\u003e\"Wait... is that a Dungeon Crawler Carl headband?\"\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSystem Warning: \u003c\/strong\u003eThis item does not increase your speed. It does increase the likelihood that you'll finish your run with a smile... and at least one new inside joke.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct: Sport-Tek STA35 Sport-Tek ® PosiCharge ® Competitor ™ Headband. STA35\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e3.8 oz.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e100% polyester interlock with PosiCharge technology\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eRemovable tag for comfort and relabeling\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Crawlers on the Run","offers":[{"title":"True Navy \/ ONE SIZE","offer_id":55265356054833,"sku":"19g649mrky0rjf","price":14.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Iron Grey \/ ONE SIZE","offer_id":55265356087601,"sku":"19g649mrky0rjg","price":14.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ ONE SIZE","offer_id":55265356120369,"sku":"19g649mrky0rji","price":14.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0998\/4521\/0417\/files\/ninjapod_13204988_f_STA35_31bc_f.jpg?v=1784051378","url":"https:\/\/crawlers-on-the-run.myshopify.com\/products\/goddamnit-donut-performance-headband","provider":"Crawlers on the Run","version":"1.0","type":"link"}