{"product_id":"this-is-an-outrage-runners-headband","title":"\"This Is an Outrage!\" Runner's Headband","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLegendary Item:\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003cem\u003e(Royal Approval Pending)\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDescription: \u003c\/strong\u003eEvery run contains at least one unforgivable offense.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe traffic light that turns red the instant you arrive.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe headwind that somehow exists in both directions.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe runner who stops dead in the middle of the trail to check their watch.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe Garmin that beeps \u003cem\u003eLow Battery\u003c\/em\u003e three miles from home.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThese things are unacceptable.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThis headband doesn't solve any of them.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt simply announces, in no uncertain terms, that \u003cstrong\u003esomeone will be hearing about this.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFeaturing the unmistakable visage of Her Royal Majesty—crowned, impeccably accessorized, and enjoying a well-earned Dirty Shirley while judging your life choices—this headband lets the world know you have standards. Ridiculously high standards.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAs you should.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePassive Ability — Royal Indignation: \u003c\/strong\u003eWhenever something mildly inconveniences you during a run, your internal monologue immediately upgrades it to a full-blown constitutional crisis. \u003cem\u003e\"This is an outrage!\"\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePassive Ability — Dignified Suffering: \u003c\/strong\u003eYou may be drenched in sweat, covered in salt, and questioning your decision to sign up for another race...but you'll still look fabulous doing it. +10 Charisma. +100 Sass.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eActive Skill — File a Complaint: \u003c\/strong\u003eOnce per run, dramatically throw your hands in the air and loudly declare,\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAll nearby runners instantly understand. Some nod in agreement. The rest quietly increase their pace.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSystem Warning: \u003c\/strong\u003eThis item provides no measurable performance benefit. It does, however, make every annoyance feel appropriately theatrical.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct: Sport-Tek STA46 Sport-Tek ® Contender ™ Headband. STA46\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e3.8 oz.,\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e100% polyester jersey\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMoisture-wicking\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eRemovable tag for comfort and relabeling\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Crawler's on the Run","offers":[{"title":"Vintage Hthr \/ ONE SIZE","offer_id":55251047940401,"sku":"19g648mrjmnun8","price":14.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Tr Navy Hthr \/ ONE SIZE","offer_id":55251047973169,"sku":"19g648mrjmnun9","price":14.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Graphite Hthr \/ ONE SIZE","offer_id":55251048005937,"sku":"19g648mrjmnuna","price":14.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0998\/4521\/0417\/files\/ninjapod_13199095_f_STA46_9eb0_f.jpg?v=1783971856","url":"https:\/\/crawlers-on-the-run.myshopify.com\/products\/this-is-an-outrage-runners-headband","provider":"Crawlers on the Run","version":"1.0","type":"link"}