Goddamnit Donut! Runner's Headband

Epic Item (Emotionally unstable. Surprisingly moisture-wicking.)

Description: Every runner has a moment. Maybe it's mile three. Maybe it's mile ten. Maybe it's halfway through your warmup when your GPS refuses to connect and your shoelace comes untied for the second time. That's when it happens.

"Goddamnit, Donut!"

Nobody knows exactly why you're yelling it. Maybe you're talking to the voice in your head. Maybe you're talking to the universe. Maybe you're talking to someone who absolutely deserves it. It doesn't matter. The headband understands.

Featuring the iconic explosion of barely controlled chaos, this headband is scientifically engineered* to absorb sweat while broadcasting to the world that you've reached the point where profanity has become cardio fuel.

*Science not independently verified by anyone you'd trust.

Passive Ability — Cardio Profanity: The first time you swear during a run, all subsequent swearing feels 18% more satisfying.

Passive Ability — Emotional Damage Resistance: Minor inconveniences—including headwinds, surprise hills, untied shoes, slow walkers, unleashed dogs, and people who stop in the middle of the trail—have a reduced chance of ruining your workout.

Active Skill — Finish Anyway: When you are absolutely certain you can't keep going, this item has a small chance to remind you that you've been lying to yourself for the last mile.

System Warning: This item does not improve your pace. It merely ensures everyone within earshot knows exactly how you feel about it.

Product: Sport-Tek STA46 Sport-Tek ® Contender ™ Headband. STA46

• 3.8 oz.,

• 100% polyester jersey

• Moisture-wicking

• Removable tag for comfort and relabeling