"This Is an Outrage!" Runner's Headband

$14.00

Legendary Item: (Royal Approval Pending)

Description: Every run contains at least one unforgivable offense.

The traffic light that turns red the instant you arrive.
The headwind that somehow exists in both directions.
The runner who stops dead in the middle of the trail to check their watch.
The Garmin that beeps Low Battery three miles from home.
These things are unacceptable.
This headband doesn't solve any of them.

It simply announces, in no uncertain terms, that someone will be hearing about this.

Featuring the unmistakable visage of Her Royal Majesty—crowned, impeccably accessorized, and enjoying a well-earned Dirty Shirley while judging your life choices—this headband lets the world know you have standards. Ridiculously high standards.

As you should.

Passive Ability — Royal Indignation: Whenever something mildly inconveniences you during a run, your internal monologue immediately upgrades it to a full-blown constitutional crisis. "This is an outrage!"

Passive Ability — Dignified Suffering: You may be drenched in sweat, covered in salt, and questioning your decision to sign up for another race...but you'll still look fabulous doing it. +10 Charisma. +100 Sass.

Active Skill — File a Complaint: Once per run, dramatically throw your hands in the air and loudly declare,

"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!"

All nearby runners instantly understand. Some nod in agreement. The rest quietly increase their pace.

System Warning: This item provides no measurable performance benefit. It does, however, make every annoyance feel appropriately theatrical.

Product: Sport-Tek STA46 Sport-Tek ® Contender ™ Headband. STA46