The Royal Trio Runner's Headband

Description: Congratulations, crawler. You've wrapped a strip of enchanted sweat-soaking fabric around your forehead. Your life choices continue to confuse everyone. Features the Holy Trinity of questionable decision-making. This headband absorbs sweat, keeps your hair out of your eyes, and silently judges every runner who says, "I'm just here for fun."

Special Effect: +5 to Looking Like You Know What the Hell Is Going On. (Actual competence sold separately.)

Passive Ability — Crawler Recognition: Fellow fans have a 73% chance of pointing, laughing, or shouting a quote from across the trail.

Passive Ability — Princess Approval: When you finish a run covered in sweat and regret, you may hear a tiny imaginary voice whisper: "Acceptable."

Warning: May cause an uncontrollable urge to explain an obscure series of books to complete strangers who only asked where you bought your headband.

Product: Sport-Tek STA46 Sport-Tek ® Contender ™ Headband

• 3.8 oz.,

• 100% polyester jersey

• Moisture-wicking

• Removable tag for comfort and relabeling